Alrighty then, so I had an interesting talk with my father... a couple of interesting talks actually... He found out that I smoked weed and more recently that I was taking prescription pain killers. We had a long talk about it and you know what? I dont feel any better about my life. I dont get the idea that talking to people is suppose to help you deal with your problems. All it does for me is bring to light that I'm a shitty person and that my dad isnt proud of me anymore. What kind of shit is that? I guess I cant blame him, I mean how are you supposed to be proud of a suicidal junkie who doesnt know what he wants to do with his life?
I just hate when we have these kind of talks because he makes it sound so easy. He says that "in the next four years you will change dramatically..." how exactly does that help me now? Its not like Im trying to be this way Im just depressed and confused. I dont know why he cant understand that and cut me some fucking slack. Everything is just so black and white to him its insane. He may have my best interest in mind... I dont know Im not psychic... but I wish he could at least present it in a different way. He thinks that we have to talk about everything, he thinks that makes it better. I strongly disagree with that idea. I think all it does is make me feel like shit and give him something to worry about.
Well he is calling a counselor today... he thinks it will do some good. I dont know what it will do but Im not all that excited to talk to a shrink... I want to do it because I believe that it can do some good... but Im nervous that it wont. The only thing Im scared of in this situation is going to this shrink for a month or so and not feeling any different. I mean, what if this is just how I am? What if this cant be talked out and fixed? What then? Do I just try to ignore it and go on with life?
whatever... (wave)
I just hate when we have these kind of talks because he makes it sound so easy. He says that "in the next four years you will change dramatically..." how exactly does that help me now? Its not like Im trying to be this way Im just depressed and confused. I dont know why he cant understand that and cut me some fucking slack. Everything is just so black and white to him its insane. He may have my best interest in mind... I dont know Im not psychic... but I wish he could at least present it in a different way. He thinks that we have to talk about everything, he thinks that makes it better. I strongly disagree with that idea. I think all it does is make me feel like shit and give him something to worry about.
Well he is calling a counselor today... he thinks it will do some good. I dont know what it will do but Im not all that excited to talk to a shrink... I want to do it because I believe that it can do some good... but Im nervous that it wont. The only thing Im scared of in this situation is going to this shrink for a month or so and not feeling any different. I mean, what if this is just how I am? What if this cant be talked out and fixed? What then? Do I just try to ignore it and go on with life?
whatever... (wave)
